When the words Collide! Be strong!

What was the hardest thing about having a mental illness like PTSD, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY?

I THINK it was the silence; when people discover that you suffer from mental illness, they don’t know what to say, and the conversation becomes rigid or they can become so far away.

I wish people would ask more about my emotions, I wish they would show an interest to know what I’m going through, I wish they would listen more than imply their minds on what they think I supposed to do. I wish they would allow me to share my experiences to feel that I don’t need to suffer alone. But as reality reveals, people are afraid of what they fear might come to them..

Rather than judgement within religious people that I am demonic, or judgement generally that I am an unhealthy and crazy person. In the sight of humanity, I was dehumanised.

What I discovered is that, due to my personal injuries many might not be as willing to talk as I am. As far as we know, the stigma of mental illness hurts more than the illness itself.
Somehow I am grateful because the illness had taught me well to discover the part of me which cannot be achieved by someone else who would go through the circumstances I have been. And I know that not all people suffering are as observant and as open as I am.

Within this perspective, I realised though that I have given an impression to some whom are willing to learn about mental illness and how do I manage to live life daily. I share the insights and understanding to those who didn’t experience the causes of my suffering. Isn’t that supposed to be a valuable lesson for anybody to stop giving a brand on people’s lives suffering in different ways or manner of illness mentally..

You have no Idea you hurt us bad when you are a believer and you say we are suffering from demons.

You have no idea you hurt us bad when you, without religion speaks that we are crazy, making fun of us in your private conversations and addressing us as the extra cost of society.

In this manner, I would like to send a letter to those who suffer PTSD like me. Even though you suffer depression or anxiety.. God is not as the men who judge you. He understands what you’re going through and there is a purpose that someone else should learn from you because He knows you are stronger than those who can’t afford to carry that burden.
God is with you and with the broken heart. Your wings will be restored and you will stand again. Do not be afraid to speak your mind, because I know that despite of your suffering.. You are mindful of what others would feel if you throw them the wrong word. I know you care despite the fact that it isn’t seen obviously. I know you are strong in the surface but soft beneath those lines of strong words you released.

Be brave and Be prayerful to a God who knows you more than anyone else. Don’t let your heart be frightened. Do not be afraid. God is with you wherever you go. He will never abandon you, He will uphold you and Hold you with His Righteousness.

Love and blessings
/Rochelle Rosenberg

Do not Identify from Assumptions of Others

In the assumptions of many, i was home wrecker, a bittergourd, attention seeker, or someone whom are distant. No one actually know who I am because it was never revealed to those whom are false to me. Those who assumed to know me, have never heard of my struggling and deep experience.
In their assumptions, I wouldn’t have a place for success, they did not believe in my ability. I would just be that unnoticed person whom they called “attention seeker”. And from that, it crossed my heart deeply.


But in all the stamp that people had pasted on my identity, in a moment I was hurt, I cried and screamed in the dark. But after a while I learned to use them as a tool to engage with the power of Courage and take part to the journey that will lead me towards the making of a mature individual.


I might be distant and I might not have a group of friends. But it doesn’t make me feel lonely. I know some acquaintances are near and caring to me. I am always an emotional person and swayed by all the people that loved me through it all.

I might seem very far to many by expectations, but I assure that I never needed to please anyone. I am sure hospitable but never a rub a feet to please. I am always true to everyone I meet and even to myself. Thus, God had made me strong all this years.


In all the assumptions of many, and in all the stamps I received. I never identified my self from any of it. I am confident that God will be my strength and God will be my hope in all circumstances. I have experienced to have nothing and to have more. Yet what matters to me is the growth of my spirituality.

Contentment

Right now! Are you satisfied with your life? As of now, are you content with what you have and what you are? Within satisfaction matter, do you envy others and still hungry for what they have?

Contentment in life is a big deal of maturity…

I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:12-13)

I have experienced poverty. I grew up in a family where my parents livelihood were just enough for a days meal.
There were days in my childhood years where I wish towards days of abundance. And it gave me comfort to think that one day, it will be better.
Then there were also days where we have overflowing food and our needs were met.

Then time came, I grew up. Got a job. Friends from different sources and lifestyle have surrounded me.
I was overwhelmed by it. Until I saw many sides of being wealthy.
Even if people are wealthy and lack nothing, surrounded by materialistic world and pleasure. I noticed the sadness in their lives, being able to defend their properties and fear of thieves and shopping was their comfort. The loneliness had become their enemy and discomfort in themselves had become their illness.
Self centered became their primary focus, “I” and “Me” is their ways of thinking and they are filled with lies of living filling themselves with thoughts that somehow it would make them happy. Then they were filled with pride and perversity, speaking of curses towards the poor and the lowly.

I stopped in a minute, and thought. Not so Lord God. I would rather live life that I have now rather than having that sadness in life. Poverty gives possibility of being content in any situation of life. Having self control in attitude and knowing the existence of life through God.
It’s good to have wealth, but it also means of giving and sharing your blessings to those who are need. I saw by my eyes that wealth can be a way of open doors and can even be a way to destruction.
It’s better that my life is easier. My needs are met by God’s riches and wealth. Basic needs are food, shelter and clothing. I have these. And I have my kids and a husband that loves the Lord. I have my family that cares and friends that loves at all times. And most I have the Lord Jesus that loves me and think of me all the time so I didn’t need to worry about anything because I know that by time, God gives according to our capabilities and responsibilities. I am more content both to earthly life and my inner peace is in God’s grace and love.
That my Spiritual life is more important than ever before.
Because I understand that life is very much more important than anything else in these world. Life is precious, every second and minute of it.
I love the Lord God rather than living like a queen. For being a Child of God is a better position rather than titles and career on earth that can’t be taken in heaven.
My soul will then bless the Lord as long as I live. So now you choose which way you place your heart. As it is written:

Matthew 6:19-21Complete Jewish Bible
19 “Do not store up for yourselves wealth here on earth, where moths and rust destroy, and burglars break in and steal. 20 Instead, store up for yourselves wealth in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and burglars do not break in or steal. 21 For where your wealth is, there your heart will be also.

I Grew Each Passing Day

I grew more with my walk with the Lord every day and i experienced that i learned little better in time

Serving God in daily basis is indeed a marriage of the spiritual life

I indeed realise as along the way when we learned a lot… We becoming wise and as a part of heavenly wisdom.. We dont tend to be offended on things that mlstly many are annoyed at. I looked at it usually now and make sure I do what is good. As proverbs 16.24 says a righteous person falls 7 times. Then gets up again. But the wicked falls when calamity comes.
They easily give up

As for now i still work with my emotions towards certain things. And i try to manage my heart more than anything else because it is there where the Instructions of God shall reside. In my soul I do not want to hate a brother. But my heart shall decide for its actions and thats the only part I can discipline…

I try my best to work it out especially recently when i had a bad situation in my past marriage. I heard I had demons and as my problems couldn’t resolve, they have baked more demons instead of helping me out. I had no parental guidance in sweden and the only help i expected was with the company within the faith. Yet they hurt me. Yet I did my very best to not take it to heart. And i did my best not to be a madman. I cried and was deeply embarrassed. Yes i got discouraged, i got disappointed. But only for a while. I think that i want to spend my time believing that things will turn out good despite of trials. Im proud I kept my mouth speaking evil things and slipping nonsense. I did not complain. I did not provoke any. I did not backbite. I kept in heart hid my tears and God is patient with me.

In understanding I grew. Im proud spiritually that I didnt made my eyes sin. I kept My lips and my mind from sin in the middle of disappointments and trials.

It is indeed true, that keeps those whose eyes are on Him. And it is indeed important to keep your trust in Him in the midst of difficulties. For one day, the Lord will bring peace. And in peace within yourself, God brings solutions to situations you are facing. Be Still and Know He is your God.

Abortion? The spirit of evil..

I am a survivor proof that even though it was a long time plan to abort me so God let me live …I do not know how many times my mother jumped and took medications just to get rid of me.

Then in the 8th month, she took even stronger medicine but it couldn’t. When I was born, the maternal nurse discovered that I am blind on the left eye, which may cause me to become blind when I grow up about 30 … I came out into the world with an inflamed, swollen eye and my mother hated me. I heard time and again how unhappy she was to see me. Wish I was dead. But my mind is strong. Learn to read early, draw strange things. Mature too early. Life became hard, but I learned to love her after all .. Because I know that anger cannot take me back to the event but I love life as it is. I met bullying in school because of the appearance, was called for all possible words because of the abortion. Failed child.

Today I live and am not blind. I see a little bit on the left eye through a miracle .. Thank you God.

I feel sorry for those who are hard hit and those who are unborn as the lawsuit has been taken away from them. My mother in any case after many years had asked for apology for those she did and that without complete info she had to learn about abortion and what consequences the child or woman gets until later. I have not been angry with her about it but without the result that was, I was very disappointed with her before. Thank Elohim our God and Yeshua our Messiah who gave me a new heart to see the light .. But even until today, the abortion event has an impact on me.

With that in the background, I in the Philippines have helped women who had thoughts about abortion. With God’s help, the unborn came into the world unscathed. Not everyone but you can help some 😊 There is hope for the women who believe they have power over the body and the power to take the gift of life from the womb. Giving them an insight into what and how the child became was their responsibility whatever it was for life situations they were in. The hope is that there are people who can support them and listen .. There are enough people on earth who will take care of their children if they did not want to keep the baby themselves. I have no claim to be angry with those who chose turn to keep their pregnancy but are very angry at those who are really deaf to hear and have the ill will to kill another person. On the other hand, I also hate people who are aides to murder .. God hates a murderer .. And with the women who carried out abortion and help to murder, God’s word describes it as an immoral act. Time and again even according to the history of the bible and the facts, devilish people have always existed. It is written in the scripture that people who do wrong to their mankind and take their lives are murderers and going against the commandments of God, so to speak. The law also describes the same.. The human rights not to murder. However, if there is someone who had already done so and accidentally read my post, I do not want to give someone a bad feeling. There is hope to turn around and resist the other murderers.
God hears all these unborn voices and every one who agrees to it will gain their profit from both good and evil. In all form God gives every man his punishment according to his deeds.

In Sweden, it is completely open with this and in other parts of the world.

In my home country, on the other hand, it is done in hidden , but if you are discovered, you get a prison sentence just like a murderer.

However, God must have mercy on the nations and the leaders of the countries who are co-workers of the murder of children. May God bribg justice in miracle way..

These children will cry and scream justice before the throne of God. The time of the lawless has come .. These children cry .. He hears it.

The day of Birth

It is funny to be greeted by friends “Happy Birthday” remembering only the day I was born by the date and year and time. I myself consume my mind on remembering the day my mother had the hours of difficulty. The time where she had the labour just to bring me out of the womb.

Of course I am thankful and grateful of all the greetings.. I judt have to pay attention that the day I was born.. It was my mother who gave birth to me. =birth day.. 😂😂

It must be painful for her at that time to struggle thinking just to survive the birthing of a small little child. And that moment, she must have forgotten all the worries she carry out day by day.

I wish people would remember her more than I. I wish people would think of her again as every year passes by how she had survived those very first moments just to give me the chance to live and experience life.

I was a history of abortion. In the middle of my mother’s pregnancy she probably had stopped doing what she planned to do do against the life inside her womb. I was born with a left blind eye. I experienced the bullies and humiliating events from people who did not know the story of my appearance. I experienced a difficult childhood. From her hands, i know how to feel the pain and the violence of every mistakes that I have made. I shed the tears by hearing how unlucky she was because of me. Through my teenage years, I kept the pain as if they were a part of me. It wasnt easy. All the scars would speak of the memories that I kept in silence. Yet I am happy she was still mother.

Those years have made me realise how fragile she was because it was the only right thing she knew to raise me. It was the memories of her upbringing that she thought was right to transmit and apply as a guideline to discipline. At times I honestly shed my tears with anger. I had resentment and I blew all the blame on her. I misunderstood her and even myself. But now, I reached the stage of wisdom through the years.

I became 33. And I am so thankful for all the things that happened.

Today is the day when my mother took me out of the world.. then I see… Half….
Today was the day when God decided then how I would look like, how I would see the world, how my heart would beat and how my life would be formed through the journey..
Today was the day when God set the people before me, to meet, to keep, to love, to loose, to hold and to cherish..
Today is not about party, not about cake or fancy gifts. Its about saying

THANK YOU GOD I SURVIVED ANOTHER YEAR WITH THIS CRUCIAL LIFE..!! THANK YOU GOD YOU’VE MOLDED ME DAILY BY TEACHING ME THINGS IN LIFE. FOR KEEPING YOUR HANDS AT HOLD EVEN WHEN I’M OUT SIGHT, FOR KEEPING ME SAFE EVEN WHEN YOU KNOW I AM A HARD HEADED CHILD..

To the One Above.. Im grateful living this life… 😌