Posted on May 5, 2018
I had been married for soon to be 4 years now. Well, I had been married before and this is my second chance. I could see the differences between my past and my new experiences. In the old, I wasnt yet a true follower of Jesus so my life’s perspective and my life’s view was different. As an ordinary woman, I used to see that I have to get benefits, or simply that I also wanted to be loved and I also deserve happiness. Not that I am too selfish or so, but it was the mindset that I have learned all these years because of the pain that I went through.
Now, in present life I have. Since I became A born again. A disciple of Jesus. I have learned to serve God by becoming a servant to my husband, my children and my whole house. Being a virtues woman is not easy. The power of being a wife at home is extremely huge. By a womans hand, you can build your home ( a woman is even called blessed by her husband) and by a womans hand she can destroy it ( a foolish woman destroys it with her own hands) That proverb is correct and very observable by the King Solomon. I would say, that as I have thought of my home now. How peaceful it has been, when the husband and wife are in harmony together. When both individual never speak evil against each other, the blessings of peace resides at home. There is no stress and even the children could live in peace and function in their environment. It is very evident that a godly woman brings a good ambience at home. Although there may arise different situations that are sometimes difficult to handle, stil the marriage is intact because the communication is open. And Godly mindset resides in their hearts as foundation of the home.
I never believe in give and take. Why? Because I cant find them in the instructions of the Scriptures. I suppose a relationship, wether by marriage, friendship or a relation between parent and child should be give and receive. (which is more relevant and instructional for all)
Give and Take sounds so selfish to me. It is a one-way street. Either you always give and the other just take or you are the taker and the other is the giver. Isnt it that sound so familiar to stealing. The giver though expects something but the taker just take what they want, does not expect or does not respect but leaves after they got what they want. The Torah(instructions) had never mention that we shall be giver for the taker but we were instructed clearly to give according to our blessings and with whole heart – Deuteronomy 16:17. Therefore in all kinds of relationship, I realised even to mine that the moment I stopped giving to the taker, I learned not to feed the lust and hunger of the taker. For the taker witholds good from me and in his heart keep his peace because I give something that satisfies him and in my turn, I had also this kind of desires. In the past I see a large mistake that made me wise now.
Give and Receive is essencial for me, I give because I dont expect at all. I give in devotion that every effort I do is for the eyes of the Lord to be pleased with me. Not that I give to be known by many but to the fact that I do not desire to be seen. ANd so in my marriage, I see how it build trust between me and my husband. In his weakness, I give him strength and in my misunderstanding he teaches me patiently. In that essence we give and receive freely. We serve one another at home without grudge but lovingly devoting ourselves to one another in humbleness and gentleness. Although some shortcomings are strongly visual, I tend not to ignore them but in patience sow tears in prayers. (Psalm 126:5-6 ESV
Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.) God sees my shortcomings and therefore I do not have the right to point out my husbands mistake but to lead him and learn him what is right for Love does not remember any wrong right? In tenderness of character, we can build a strong bond. It is to remember that we all are imperfect in our physical actions sometimes but spiritually we all are perfect.
As I look back onto my past and see how I am doing now. My reflections in marriage is very very different.
For example, it is well-known to all housewives that once you get married, your time is consumed in cleaning the house, washing dishes, washing clothes, sitting down with the kids, maybe taking out the dogs or petting, plus a whole day work…. and at the end of the day your strength is consumed and it creates discomfort to the house because you become stresssed and alittle bit grumpy. Now your behaviour changes, it is either your husband would understand or he might gonna hit you back with words that would definitely harm you. Now not all husband are like this, but I would say there are men and women who are extreme in laziness. So some solutions of others are……
DIVORCE… becase the reason was ” I only give and he/she dont give me something back”
I dont want to complain though, at home… My husband maybe does not clean as well as I do but I am pleased and happy when he cleans. Because however he have done it, he tried his best and he did it with all his heart. I kept complaining how he cant wash the clothes separately, but now I realised when he wash the clothes I have to be thankful because I received a good help. Less stress and I can run around the house till I get tired hahaha!! (that’s another hobby I do at home) Being a wife or husband is not an easy task. But keep in mind that the moment you saw each other is the first otive that made you tied together. SO, do not suffer one another but bear for each other and speak about things openly in a communication. Do not yell at each other. (someone told me that once a couple yell at each other, their hearts become strangers to each other and they are starting to be blind to see each other.)
Open communication means acceptance of mistakes and finding a solution to make it better next time. Being able to sleep afterwards in same bed in peace and knowing that you love each other and you will always be giving each other the compliments and care. Receiving together compassion for another for God is the same to us. He gives us blessings, unending fortunes of life and yet once we became a taker.. Now, let us also be a giver with all our heart and mind and soul. And we will receive the wisdom and crowns of life…