Being a Victim

Being a Victim

We mostly get tired of people whom are victims of abuse. And in our terms, our wish is that they would be set free. We do our best to take them out if it. Yet often we see then returning.

Of course we get distracted and disappointed because we dont understand what is happening in their minds. We think sometimes that our efforts were neglected and that our relationship with them somehow starts to be out of hand. Until the day, we want to give up forgetting that once we had the days when we also were victims.

We must understand it is a difficult situation for that person and it is a personal attachment. The only thing u can do is to allow the person see the wrong thing in the event. Although you have given your advice it is still very difficult for the person to be influenced by your thoughts because the person itself face the fear and has very low self esteem. You must remember that the abuser had stolen their identity and trampled their lives. In that manner the abuser was using its power to make use of the victims positive mind from the beginning. I believe that the abuser itself is a broken soul and it feeds to break another to feel a little better. To damp the brokenness inside. we must never forget to understand those who are in weak situations and we shall not look down on them i was once a victim and it took me so long before i got out if it. I was looked down by people who think that i get returning back to the abuser but the thing is, i wasn’t strong enough because the people that tried to pull me out of it are the ones who speaks about mistakes. Points out how i shall be and how i should think. It created confusion in me because I didnt know what to think for myself and the hopelessness grew… One day there was a person who found my strength by suggesting ne solutions and that friend never imposed aby ideas but stayed with me and told me. “You are strong enough” “do you think this things happening to you arecorrect?” “i will always listen to you sentiments until you get free from it because I am hoping you soon be free”
These were always her words whenever she got tired of my repetitive conversation. Until the day i stood for victory.

The idea of hurting others indeed comes from the inner source of the soul in hebrew called ‘jetser hara’ – long for evil. It is in the inner part of the soul connecting from the sinful nature of man. Yet the idea of doing good is the longing for good – jetser ha tov in hebrew.
These has been implanted in our soul therefore many of us either become aware of being abused or not aware of abusive behaviour.

Each of us.. No one can deny that even though we are born again has sometimes the attitude of abuse. Which in term of Paul, we can always discipline ourselves to not obey the jetser hara.

Please have kindness at heart and an understanding attitude towards the person you are facibg difficulties. We might not know what we say might lift then up or might bring them down. ❤️😘 I speak according to my experience.
Yeshua always look upon the broken hearted and has a contrite spirit. A broken soul is the one who needs guidance and has a restless mind. A contrite spirit has the sleepless thoughts and worries, an anxiety of the heart caused by other people who are abusing them and using them for their own benefits.

Yeshua had cared for these people and showed meekness and kindness to them. He was not exempted even to the humiliating events that we also experience in life. That is why He said,

I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty
John 6:35

Take it as an example.
Until then if the person want to stay where they are.. Then thats their matter.. We cant do nothing.. But to respect the decision.

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Giver and the Taker….Which are YOU?

Giver and the Taker….Which are YOU?

It has been a while I wrote. Like mostly bloggers writing about themselves or things that are trendy, I find myself off the trend and fashion. And it is good. I do not write to please readers or to attract viewers but merely to share my thoughts to those who can find it beneficial. Thoughts not just about myself, If I could, I’d like to focus more on others and make myself a background. Not to feel pity for me, but to simply announce that other people are also equally valued as I am. Nothing Special.

 

I had been married for soon to be 4 years now. Well, I had been married before and this is my second chance. I could see the differences between my past and my new experiences. In the old, I wasnt yet a true follower of Jesus so my life’s perspective and my life’s view was different. As an ordinary woman, I used to see that I have to get benefits, or simply that I also wanted to be loved and I also deserve happiness. Not that I am too selfish or so, but it was the mindset that I have learned all these years because of the pain that I went through.

Now, in present life I have. Since I became A born again. A disciple of Jesus. I have learned to serve God by becoming a servant to my husband, my children and my whole house. Being a virtues woman is not easy. The power of being a wife at home is extremely huge. By a womans hand, you can build your home ( a woman is even called blessed by her husband) and by a womans hand she can destroy it ( a foolish woman destroys it with her own hands) That proverb is correct and very observable by the King Solomon. I would say, that as I have thought of my home now. How peaceful it has been, when the husband and wife are in harmony together. When both individual never speak evil against each other, the blessings of peace resides at home. There is no stress and even the children could live in peace and function in their environment. It is very evident that a godly woman brings a good ambience at home. Although there may arise different situations that are sometimes difficult to handle, stil the marriage is intact because the communication is open. And Godly mindset resides in their hearts as foundation of the home.

I never believe in give and take. Why?  Because I cant find them in the instructions of the Scriptures.  I suppose a relationship, wether by marriage, friendship or a relation between parent and child should be give and receive. (which is more relevant and instructional for all)

Give and Take sounds so selfish to me. It is a one-way street. Either you always give and the other just take or you are the taker and the other is the giver. Isnt it that sound so familiar to stealing. The giver though expects something but the taker just take what they want, does not expect or does not respect but leaves after they got what they want. The Torah(instructions) had never mention that we shall be giver for the taker but we were instructed clearly to give according to our blessings and with whole heart – Deuteronomy 16:17. Therefore in all kinds of relationship, I realised even to mine that the moment I stopped giving to the taker, I learned not to feed the lust and hunger of the taker. For the taker witholds good from me and in his heart keep his peace because I give something that satisfies him and in my turn, I had also this kind of desires. In the past I see a large mistake that made me wise now.

Give and Receive is essencial for me, I give because I dont expect at all. I give in devotion that every effort I do is for the eyes of the Lord to be pleased with me. Not that I give to be known by many but to the fact that I do not desire to be seen. ANd so in my marriage, I see how it build trust between me and my husband. In his weakness, I give him strength and in my misunderstanding he teaches me patiently. In that essence we give and receive freely. We serve one another at home without grudge but lovingly devoting ourselves to one another in humbleness and gentleness. Although some shortcomings are strongly visual, I tend not to ignore them but in patience sow tears in prayers. (Psalm 126:5-6 ESV 
Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.) God sees my shortcomings and therefore I do not have the right to point out my husbands mistake but to lead him and learn him what is right for Love does not remember any wrong right? In tenderness of character, we can build a strong bond. It is to remember that we all are imperfect in our physical actions sometimes but spiritually we all are perfect.

As I look back onto my past and see how I am doing now. My reflections in marriage is very very different.
For example, it is well-known to all housewives that once you get married, your time is consumed in cleaning the house, washing dishes, washing clothes, sitting down with the kids, maybe taking out the dogs or petting, plus a whole day work…. and at the end of the day your strength is consumed and it creates discomfort to the house because you become stresssed and alittle bit grumpy. Now your behaviour changes, it is either your husband would understand or he might gonna hit you back with words that would definitely harm you. Now not all husband are like this, but I would say there are men and women who are extreme in laziness. So some solutions of others are……
DIVORCE… becase the reason was ” I only give and he/she dont give me something back”

I dont want to complain though, at home… My husband maybe does not clean as well as I do but I am pleased and happy when he cleans. Because however he have done it, he tried his best and he did it with all his heart. I kept complaining how he cant wash the clothes separately, but now I realised when he wash the clothes I have to be thankful because I received a good help. Less stress and I can run around the house till I get tired hahaha!! (that’s another hobby I do at home) Being a wife or husband is not an easy task. But keep in mind that the moment you saw each other is the first otive that made you tied together. SO, do not suffer one another but bear for each other and speak about things openly in a communication. Do not yell at each other. (someone told me that once a couple yell at each other, their hearts become strangers to each other and they are starting to be blind to see each other.)
Open communication means acceptance of mistakes and finding a solution to make it better next time. Being able to sleep afterwards in same bed in peace and knowing that you love each other and you will always be giving each other the compliments and care. Receiving together compassion for another for God is the same to us. He gives us blessings, unending fortunes of life and yet once we became a taker.. Now, let us also be a giver with all our heart and mind and soul. And we will receive the wisdom and crowns of life…

Marriage – is Honorable among all!

When marriage is in shaken,  walking away is not the answer.
Calm down and speak with each other. Don’t call for emergency numbers and talk around.
Walking away is for people who are not capable of going to the next step of their lives.
Marriage is Honorable, and the bed undefiled. This means that when the shake is on the run, don’t think it’s over. Don’t take your shoe and don’t pack your bags and leave. Don’t call your peeps and say ” hey man! My husbands leaving me, or my wife’s leaving and I don’t know why, bla bla bla” who cares?? They don’t know you both much than you know each other well. You live together and not with them.
Don’t exchange the years together and end it into a one day leave. Marriage is not like movies, it is hard work and it is handling the motions day by day. Overcoming the waves by walking upon the water and trusting God and His love endures forever.

Sometimes, misunderstanding are huge and there are people around that really waits for both to split up. Because that’s how they handle responsibility. And if you agree with what they sketch you, you will be drawn to be like them. Broken and immature. Do not be conformed by this world. Because the world tells you that if you’re unhappy, you got to leave! The world tells you that if you are not satisfied then find another one! If your expectations are not met then divorce. That’s sucks and stupid! That’s the world! That’s not you! You are not of this world! You are a child of God!
If you are in an abusive relationship! I advise you to leave! If your husband or wife is irresponsible, bring him to authorities, if he does not comply with the law then you have to decide whether you leave or stay!
People who are not willing to handle responsibility are the ones who thinks walking away is the answer. PLEASE Stop! That’s foolishness!
Stay calm, and begin from the beginning. Learn to humble yourselves and submit to one another. Hear the case of one another, place your complaints about each other. And when all had been revealed,  forget the problem and the records of wrongs. If you ask forgiveness, it is humbleness. if you get down in your knees and seek to serve your partner, it is not self-seeking.when you take your partner and move the change with him or her, it is kindness. If you set your heart to forgive even when there’s no harm done, it is love.
Speak good for one another and remember the love you had from the beginning! Start from there! ” I love you and I want to marry you”
Words sometimes are not needed but a big embrace and touch and affection and compassion is what needed!

Learn to spend time and listen to each others heart. And I’m not talking about abuse here. I’m talking about marriages that sometimes have been affected by environmental views.
Remember the words of wisdom!
Wisdom that comes from God and not from the world.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Remember, when you stayed and reached until gray hairs! You will not regret you made a good husband and wife!
Everybody goes this trials you know!
And few succeed!
It’s not because we live in the millennium and it was different before, but it’s because through the years, people become more and more self centered that’s why they fall!