Do not Identify from Assumptions of Others

Do not Identify from Assumptions of Others

In the assumptions of many, i was home wrecker, a bittergourd, attention seeker, or someone whom are distant. No one actually know who I am because it was never revealed to those whom are false to me. Those who assumed to know me, have never heard of my struggling and deep experience.
In their assumptions, I wouldn’t have a place for success, they did not believe in my ability. I would just be that unnoticed person whom they called “attention seeker”. And from that, it crossed my heart deeply.

But in all the stamp that people had pasted on my identity, in a moment I was hurt, I cried and screamed in the dark. But after a while I learned to use them as a tool to engage with the power of Courage and take part to the journey that will lead me towards the making of a mature individual.

I might be distant and I might not have a group of friends. But it doesn’t make me feel lonely. I know some acquaintances are near and caring to me. I am always an emotional person and swayed by all the people that loved me through it all.

I might seem very far to many by expectations, but I assure that I never needed to please anyone. I am sure hospitable but never a rub a feet to please. I am always true to everyone I meet and even to myself. Thus, God had made me strong all this years.

In all the assumptions of many, and in all the stamps I received. I never identified my self from any of it. I am confident that God will be my strength and God will be my hope in all circumstances. I have experienced to have nothing and to have more. Yet what matters to me is the growth of my spirituality.

Because I Knew Love

Because I Knew Love

I must be young at age despite that I am in my 30’s, it does not mean I know everything. I often heard that love was something we feel, we touch and we see. But most of the time I do not feel at all. My emotions sometimes are not coming along with me. I was desperate to feel loved in my teenage years. Therefore I sought it everywhere. In manner of relationships like friendship, group belonging, organisation, religious facade and alike. But none of this can give that answer.

I have not heard and felt love directly from my parents. Although I know their efforts show that. I know they did their best, but in my small understanding of love, I thought I know how to love. The more I grew and tried to discover the feelings to feel the love, I didnt find it. I found confusion instead. I thought more that love was something that I could feel and it could be proven if I can touch it and my emotions would react in a certain way. But it was not the case most of the time.

Most of the relationships I was involved into was more physical, therefore the emotions that were involved made me think it was love. But it was all just a lie. A facade of relationship that were meant to confuse me of knowing the truth about love. Although I know for certain that some men whom I had serious relationships with were very real to me. Their affection had taught me eventually to feel love in an uncertain way. And it was uncomfortable.

Dear reader, I know that you might not agree, but bear with me. I know somehow you had been into that situation of your life where you thought you knew love. You might think I am just a desperate soul. Bear with me again. But what does love mean? How shall we know it was love despite of the hurt and scars we have been through in the past?

Many times I was asked: how do you manage to overcome such divorce and such childhood memories without being so angry at the world?

I usually answer, its because I know how kindness works. I have sympathy but I dont allow people just to trample on me. I bring all things to right Judgement = God and then I allow myself openly to forgive.

There is a famous scripture that speaks of this

1 Corinthians 13 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body [a]to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not [b]puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, [c]thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 

When i look at the passage, we thought that we love people when we help and when we give. the truth told, thats not the case, mostly because we can help and give with a motives behind. We can help and we can give with a benefit we expect to get. Isn’t that clear to say we are more selfish and we love more ourselves than others?

The 1st phrase speaks that love can endure, it is kind. Have we been enduresome on the attitudes of others when we dont understand them? or when they are so annoying and we can’t bear them even a second? Are we kind enough to consider their situations and are we kind enough in words? Are we? I wasn’t. But I learned to train myself to be kind and endure. I can say I endured more than being kind.

The 2nd phrase speaks – love does not envy; love does not parade itself and it is not puffed up! how often do we envy what others have? how often do we parade our own achievements without successful results? we hide in the truth that we achieved something yet in the truth we didn’t even see any result at all but, often we think we are more highly than others. isnt it that shows we are puffed up? I have learned to control myself in this to never boast too much of myself and to always put myself humble because nothing I achieved I have gotten without God placing the people infront of me, and thinking that God Himself laid my journey to learn to in those trials to gain the achievements to know that others as well are as important than I am.

The 3rd phrase was – does not behave rudely, does not provoke, does not seek its own and thinks no evil! Whew! I think guys I gotta stop writing. Everytime I read this, I feel so hit because most of the time I behave rudely, I have not seek after my own benefits or so but I behave rudely, I do provoke sometimes or often. But I guess this are as well the traits that are more trainable for us to put away once we are in Messiah. Once we know that we are starting to become rude, we are behaving bad already. once we are provoked or feeling angry we think evil. Once we were hurt and felt abused, we mostly revenge to find a solution for our own. Isn’t that clearly states that we have that sinful nature? And yet God gives us the moment everyday to wake up and change our ways.

The 4th phrase was – does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;  .How often do we do the reverse? We rejoice sometimes on the fall of others. Imagine when people fail on their lives and something happens on them. Example is online. When one fails, you would read the comments and how evil they wish for others. Often on cafeterias, you would hear people wishing bad things regarding the politicians. We should do the reverse. We should expose the iniquity with respect and truth without provocation and without self intention. We should Rejoice when someone says the truth and when someone actually admits their failures and lives on like the failure had never happened. It has no use to remember the failure and murmur over it again and again. That we shall rejoice in truth and be brave to expose evil.’

The 5th phrase – bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Mostly we feel that people are unbearable once they become annoying or once we started to get to know them. But I truly hope that we will start to bear with others who suffer much more or less, despite of what we know. Let us hope att all things despite of what we go through or what others are going through. Let us endure and persevere under trials. Never give up. Never ever give up.

Giving up and without love is for cowards.

Lovelots Rochelle

PTSD Basics

PTSD Basics

Things you may not know about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder:

Nobody wants to get PTSD
Nobody asks to get PTSD
PTSD is not “our” fault. Nobody needs more abuse such as “shame blaming,” the same mental and emotional bullying already responsible for so many suicides in our world. If you don’t know what to say, please just be kind, gentle and respectful as in, “I don’t understand what you are going through but please let me know if I can help you in any way.” when something happens. Do not choose sides because it opens a clear misjudgement and you will become the third person. It can create more problems for people involved. Become a trusting link instead.

I stress out that those who have religious beliefs which seemed that mental illness are sinful natures. I absolutely do not agree because I didn’t wish to be abused as a child, I didn’t wish to be molested, I didn’t wish to be physically abused in my past relationships. And most of all, I didn’t wish to get hurt by all the words that the religious preachers had spoken to me. It is not my responsibility to be in this shape because of the unresponsible people. And take note.. I never see myself as a victim. I see myself as a survivor..

I was diagnosed with PTSD due to violent circumstances in childhood, teenage life, marital life and even in small events that creates a huge wound on my environmental growth.

Am I Supposed to Say it?

Am I Supposed to Say it?

Often, I am mistaken for what I say. Am I supposed to say it? Am I supposed to act differently to convey the message? Am I able to mention the faults that I experienced from others? I guess I should, and I guess I as well must mention my own personal fault too.. But in the end.. Am I not misunderstood? Often…. – Rochelle Rosenberg

People told me.. You did not forgive because you kept mentioning what has done to you.
I can say, imagine as God forgave yet He reminds them what has done. It wasn’t a message of returning the error but merely a sign it won’t happen again.

In every situation that happened to us in the past, we must remember… We weren’t that special because we also owe others an apology somehow.

We are not special people.. We are persons whom are limited in time, understanding and wisdom. Therefore we ought to rely in a Highly form of guidance from Heaven to make our daily lives more learning and manageable.

So, wether I mentioned the past that happened to me, it does not mean I did not forgave. I can mention it now without grudges and without anger and without pain.. But merely by understanding that it was for a test of character. They changed me and I changed them. In both ways, we were tools to become subjects of development. I forgave, not for the sake of them but for my sake. Because before I ask forgiveness from heaven, I too is in need of mercy. Although their deeds cannot be erased on my mind, I can assure that I can try not to remember the ill in the presence of how it hurt me. It is definitely something we have to remember.. That an accident injury, heals in its time gradually. It does not heal in one day. Because after injury, you will need a training to gain more of your skills to develop the former strengths but this time in a much well focused approach.
This time as you heal, you get the time on focusing where you did fail and try to find a way to learn from it. Therefore God provides us time so we may develop each morning.

So I encourage you.. To change your mind when someone has something to share about their lives. Wether something they had experiences with, have patience.. Take tine to listen. In that manner.. You know you have the love and kindness for others.

Not because I remember the past that had been done meant I did not forgive.. Just an like an accident.. An injury doesn’t heal in a day.. It has process, it is given time to recover. And at the same time. It has an amount of quietness and reflective moments to realise how to develop a better understanding and how to increase the heart into wisdom. And to trust in every step God is there.

What if Pain is not to Repent?

What if Pain is not to Repent?

When I was pushed down the stair and I broke a leg, Do I need to repent ask forgiveness from others? If that’s the case, I must be in a wrong environment..

I realised the more I got deeper in learning about my faith, the more I am refined. The more things getting clear to me. Within christianity, around 30% are bullies and careless in their mouth. It is indeed reverse from the teachings of Yeshua

I had experienced tremendous humiliation from certain people and all the words that were spoken were so degrading that it took deep scars in my heart. I might best write it down to allow myself to heal eventually by sharing it to an unspoken world within the cyber world. It is indeed very difficult to handle bully within christianity because it is filled with self acclaims from people who sees themselves teachers or knowledgeable in scriptures., I once was measured because of my story. For instance, I learned not to share to much within a prayer circle, because you wouldnt know who would use it against you later or you wouldnt know who would defame you and use the information to make you feel bad about yourself.

I find it as well difficult to fight those who are popular and gained thousands of views on internet. I just realised it was not actually their business if I wanted to keep my private life within my boundaries. In my own opinion I think especially if you are married, all the things that happens is not others business at all. But in the end, I have shared some part of it to this group of people and even to this popular person. So in a video they created, they summoned up words and justification of who I am and what I am. all the messages I received from people whom are “christians” were not acceptable.

And I turned myself some comfort and understanding towards the family of my husband and friends. One by one, because of similar connection, they hanged me up and left me fighting with my own emotions and with my own thoughts. I ended up in police reporting the video that humiliated me without cause. Then I realise, I truly know whose got my back without changing anything. I even doubt my husband for now. I guess he do not have any choice but to support me because I am his wife.

I actually didn’t need to be conformed about my emotional stress regarding the things I worry about. I know and Im aware It cannot help me anything at all. But the fact that I know that I have extended families, I thought somehow they would understand and consider the suffering. But it seemed easy for many to just draw back and show that they don’t want to be involved at all. As for me, I didn’t wished anyone on my side. But at least to know someone understands how I feel and that I dont need to be justified or asked why I feel this way.

And I sigh.. Deep within… Is this Christianity? Well.. It is far from Yeshua and I’m glad I can see it despite of difficulties in relationships. I might be tampered as difficult person or might be some any name they can come up with. But the fact that none had actually know me personally… Will never make any sense at all.

Yet days pass by and I will be digging myself to pull out the roots from all the pain these people had caused me. This does not affect my faith. It makes me strong instead.

Repentance was not a problem but the hurt is. Because it literally destroyed me from the inside. Most people that has problems sometimes does not need to repent. Mostly it was the hurt. It is the same as if someone pushed you down the stair. And you accidentally broke a leg. You wont say sorry or repent because you fell but you literally hurt caused of injury and memory of who pushed you down. And that sense you will need in medical care, a therapist to train you get back again the track. So i will need help through prayers. Today im going to work at 3pm to 9..thanks for responding. God bless you

What is Prayer

What is Prayer

Indeed for some that does not know how to pray.. They needed a certain amount of guidance. Therefore Psalms were written and collected from different parts of the book to be able to see and understand how does others pray? How do they do? In that way we also could discover ourselves by navigating through the Psalms in hymns and in uttered whisper towards Hashem.

Our new beginnings in prayers are something we have to remember. Our new beginnings were the most memorable ones because we had that very intensive desire to have a connection to Hashem.

Mostly, myself I would say, learned how to pray through my parents at young age. Then later at teens I think that my prayers becomes more repetitive and I learned to discover by reading and citing Psalms, Proverbs and prayers of Moses in and other significant prophets and teachers in scriptures.

Yet through time, we discovered more new ways of connecting to Hashem. Thus we learned somehow discipline and right way of keeping track in time. Being more sensible to our words and every thibg we utter by whisper or by thousands thoughts.

Prayer is a way of reflection as well. Remember when we pray and sometimes, the Ruach Hakodesh (Holy Spirit) reveals the truth from our inside, our honesty brings out the words and our hearts reveals our intentions and hidden messages we dont usually speak unto others. Tefilla (prayer) brings us to clear mindset and makes us hopeful, trusting God in all our heart, mind and soul.

The Hebrew word for prayer, tefillah, means “self-judgment” and “introspection.” Prayer is meant to be an introspective process. The reason why we pray is not always to change what G‑d had intended for us, but for us to get a better picture of true reality. We might enter the prayers thinking about all that we need and want, but we are meant to finish the prayers with a new realization of all that G‑d does for us and how little we may actually deserve.

A person who experiences prayer this way, as it is intended to be experienced, will finish off his prayers as a very different person than he began. The person who began the prayers (as a selfish, self-oriented individual) might not have really deserved what he was asking for, but the new person who concluded the prayers (as a thankful, grateful and more spiritual being) might now deserve it. In this way our prayers are actually answered, because we change in the process, and any negative decrees are then naturally averted.

Be Strong and Of Good Courage

Be Strong and Of Good Courage

So be strong and of good courage. Do not let your heart be frightened, do not be anxious. For the Lord of Israel is with you wherever you go. God will give you strength, God will give send help, He will strongly uphold you. He will guide you with His righteousness and strong mighty hand. Have trust in Him. (Joshua 1:9 / Deuteronomy 31:6 / Isaiah 41: 10

Life isn’t always smooth sailing. But it appears that Elohim our God, in his vast eternal plan, intended for us to experience difficulties in life. We can’t escape them, we were made to win victories over them.
Evidently, we grow from our discomfort and challenges, to emerge better, stronger, wiser and more productive people.

There is always a purpose to pain. As everyone say (with such compassion that I want to hit them!), “No pain, no gain.” It would seem that, like the olive, through crushing violently and produce its vwry best oil.. we too yield our very best when we are under pressure.
(From personal experience— people who know me would confirm) The simple fact is that we produce best under pressure. And the quality of our soul is refined as gold through the trials.
The trials are there to prove we are strong, that we may win it not by our own. If we acknowledge that we are in need of spiritual guidance from God. It is then we will win every obstacles. It may not be directly, but in every step.. We will get there..

Identity in Christ

Identity in Christ

It is so sad that there are always people who are not born of the spirit who have no desire to study the scriptures. Therefore, those who are born in the spirit are called talmidim (thus disciples) because they are dedicated to schooling in scripture and the good advice of life = Torah (instructions in the 5 books of Moses)
Those who are not born in the spirit will never have the longing but on the surface have heard of salvation, lived among the saved, they have heard but not understood and will always take advantage of others and will not want to listen to the voice of heaven. The person whom is not born in The spirit will always sit among people in a church shell and is always dry and proud.
However, the one born in the Spirit will always do its best to educate, learn, listen and open up to hear, and live it. He who is born of the Spirit is attached to Yeshua’s teachings and does not change the scriptures but follows it with his heart and that person .. Have a heart for others who are weak. That person is gentle and meek. It does not intimidate even the poor in spiritual sense and will never humiliate those in sin. In gentleness they would guide them through grace and love of God.
However, we should be glad they exist. Because it is precisely these moments that we can get to know the fruit of a tree; it is through these people that we learn to exercise our spiritual knowledge and gifts. It is through seeing these people that we develop to get to know Elohim. It is because of Yeshua that fixed us in Him through birth in spirit with water…that we gained an extended family belonging to the Jewish nation.
Shalom to you and your house and everything you have under your roof
. blessings
Love and care

Autumn Leaves Like Womens Beauty

Autumn Leaves Like Womens Beauty

Women… Can be considered likely to the autumn leaves.. Perhaps it is very harsh to compare it in this manner.. But in my perception it is much closer than a flower…

Such beauty you are… Is not like someone else. Such beauty you are.. Is completely unique.. God made you.. To be not like everyone else.. Believe that.

Women… You always wanted to be beautiful.. Mostly you ask for confirmation… And you hunger for it.. To be defined beautiful… But what is beauty.. When one day, it will pass on your season and you will fall on your branches, to the ground as everyone would pass you by.

I suppose you would love yourself the way you are. I suppose you would see yourself just as simply as it is. I wish you don’t need to compare yourself to others, and I wish you wouldn’t try to be like someone else.. Such beauty you are… Is not like someone else. Such beauty you are.. Is completely unique.. God made you.. To be not like everyone else.. Believe that.

I suppose you would love yourself the way you are. I suppose you would see yourself just as simply as it is. I wish you don’t need to compare yourself to others, and I wish you wouldn’t try to be like someone else..

Who would care about the days you were tall and vibrant. Who would remember the days you bore fruit of different colors and made eyes stand by.. When now.. All of your achievements come to pass and all your legendary experience becomes a history.

As you fall from the branch, everyone continues with their lives. And you struggled in every falling leaf with a fear that the branch would follow to break. Fear you would fall on the hard ground.. Soak in all the mystery of the autumn rain.. To be torn by the waters and decompose…

a mature individual, made wise by life experiences rather than inborn childlike naivety. Whom has lived through goodness and the darkness of life, yet, perceives the world in vibrant multicolor

These leaves remind me of a mature individual, made wise by life experiences rather than inborn childlike naivety. Whom has lived through goodness and the darkness of life, yet, perceives the world in vibrant multicolor. Her experiences have brought about a transformation where she no longer fits into the same dimension of environment but has emerged a richer individual, carrying an array of hues and shades, ideas and perspectives, empathy and perceptiveness. A resemblance of fullness in purpose.. A character of depth and dignity, a symbol of full perception of right and wrong. A time of understanding the situation of people’s chosen path… And then… She have to wait for the time that her twigs would loosen her…

Why should such beauty result from decomposition? Isn’t beauty something positive we would normally associate with completeness and vibrancy? What is the message we are to take from this paradox of nature?

Maybe the message of autumn is the reminder that there is tremendous beauty G‑d wants us to enjoy in this physical world. But without recognizing that He is the source behind it, without that connection to Him, the physical world is dead. When we do recognize Him, however, the world can be quite a beautiful place.

Nevertheless.. Do not forget the ONE who have given you your season.. And do not worry about the things that are not necessary. Accept the way you are and find the talents and skills that you have. Use it.. And contribute to make a better world. You are a part of that wholeness of Beauty..

Some OLD crap

Some OLD crap

I don’t like that man and his wife and people from last year who created a deep wound in me. These people really have a bad message .. I have never been involved in such degradation. Never .. They created a deep depression and caused a feeling that I don’t want to see more people connected to them. In those days and moments of life I stand alone and fight, they just said they would pray however no one came and even asked how I was feeling. They had no idea what it was like with me and my children. However, I am grateful that it has happened .. I became strong in faith and I became even stubborn in my character. I don’t hate them, but I DON’T LIKE THEM .. 100% .. Especially those who spread that I have Infidelity to another .. I AM NOT CHURCHGOERS and I WILL NEVER BE IT EITHER… Nail it! !
But I love God .. But this story about these people is not about anger. Because I have forgiven .. It is a wound that never healed .. That unfortunately left a scar.
So .. It makes me soooo pissed and sad when I remember it. In addition, these couples had measured my faith because of my divorce and that they were incorrectly updated about the law. If you read this .. Nice to be able to speak out .. 😢😩 I’m a bit sad and just tired. 😫😖

Jag gillar inte den mannen och hans fru och människor från förra året som skapade ett djupt sår i mig. Dessa människor har verkligen ett dåligt meddelande .. Jag har aldrig varit inblandad i en sådan försämring. Aldrig .. De skapade en djup depression och orsakade en känsla av att jag inte vill se fler personer kopplade till dem. I de dagarna och stunderna i livet står jag ensam och slåss, de sa bara att de skulle be dock ingen kom och ens frågade hur jag mår. De hade ingen aning om hur det var med mig och mina barn. Jag är dock tacksam över att det har hänt … Jag blev stark i tro och jag blev till och med envis i min karaktär. Jag hatar dem inte, men jag gillar inte dem .. 100% .. Särskilt de som sprider att jag har otrohet till en annan .. Jag ÄR INTE KYKKARE och jag kommer ALDRIG att vara det antingen … Spikar det! !
Men jag älskar Gud .. Men den här historien om dessa människor handlar inte om ilska. Eftersom jag har förlåtit .. Det är ett sår som aldrig läkt .. Som tyvärr lämnade ett ärr.
Så .. Det gör mig sååå förbannad och ledsen när jag kommer ihåg det. Dessutom hade dessa par uppmätt min tro på grund av min skilsmässa och att de felaktigt uppdaterades av lagen. Om du läser detta .. Trevligt att kunna tala ut .. 😢😩 Jag är lite ledsen och bara trött. 😫😖

The Chapter of Habakkuk

The Chapter of Habakkuk

This chapter supports the history in 612 BC. Habakkuk lived at the time of the exile of King Jechoniah or Joachin  (the son of Jehoakim, the king of Judah) and short after 11 years the first temple was destroyed.
HABAKKUKs main message was against Persia, Babylonia and Media.
At those times, Prophet Daniel is as well alive residing in Babylon, far from Habakkuk. Every prophet in the leadership has its own estate to rule with.
Persia = Iran today (their language is Persian)
Media = North Western Iran
Babylon = Iraq of today

After Habakkuk seen the oppressors character against his people, he spoke to God and God answered the questions and the of Habakkuk. The answers are in the beginning of 2:2… The ff. describes what God will do to the violent and ungodly and the people who were unresponsible due to wine intoxication, people who were plunderers, people who were taking bribe and steals to gain good things in their house, people who give bad advise to those who are going to a wrong path, people who request blood offering in its vicinity, people who offers drink to other people and laugh when they get exposed physically and knowing their personal lives, people who sell carved image and idolatry photos, people who speak to the statues and offer silver and gold and incense to it.
In chapter 3 Habakkuk responded to what the Lord said and shown his understanding of the decision that God has made and once again Habakkuk reminds God of His glory and all the works that God had done on earth and to mankind.
and in this chapter Habakkuk is confident that God will send his mercy to save and restore the nation of Israel.

This chapter shows us that despite of prevailing evil wickedness around us, we have to be careful to be not like them. Rather we shall be careful in giving advice to others and we shall not take part between fights so that we wont give bad advice. That we are shown in the chapter to endure many trials from our environment and society. we shall avoid idolatry, we shall learn to make our businesses with a good conduct, we shall pay our debts to others. We shall not be jealous of what others have and we shall struggle with oir hands to gain it. This chapter also shows how we react to the conditions and issues we see everyday. Chapter 1 Habakkuk says “why do you show me iniquity and case me tonsee trouble…. There is strife, contention (war, argument, feud) arises .therefore the law is powerless.) sometimes we think the same the evil is continuing and we are suffering to see it everyday. And the law is nothing of use because its too many people who engaged in evil things. But in later chapter the Lord assured that He indeed sees the ways of man and He is about to reward each according to his own precepts and deed.
Main subject is that WE HAVE TO TRUST THE LORD.

Tell your story!

Tell your story!

I tro talar många om narkotikamissbruk, alkohol och alla typer av övergrepp, våld och hot och flickor som har blivit våldtagna blev befrias eller helad.
Men ingen vill veta eller lyssna hur de har gjort för att kunna bearbeta med sin tro för att gå igenom.

Hur är det med deras vardag att leva ut sin tro och hur det är att bära det trasiga jaget och komma igenom människors åsikter och fördomar. Hur det är att bli hel igen .. Genom tro … Av Gud .. Genom att lita på samhället i en ny vision.
Skulle gärna dela min …
Tankar, upplevelser, sociala nätverk och hur min vardag såg ut.

In faith, many talk about drug abuse, alcohol, and all kinds of abuse, violence and threats, and girls who have been raped being liberated or set free.
But no one wants to know or listen how they have done to be able to work with their Faith to go through.

How is it with their everyday lives to live out their faith and what it is like to carry the broken self and get through people’s opinions and prejudices. What it is like to get whole again .. By faith … By God .. By trusting society in a new vision.
Would love to share my …
Thoughts, experiences, social networks and how my everyday life looked.

My Silent Words for you!

My Silent Words for you!

If I had not come to Sweden, my life would have been different. Maybe not as good as today but I probably do not have the same feelings as I have right now. I may not have met people who hurt me and said words that tore my soul. Before I came, I had an old wound, I did not have time to grieve.

When I came to Sweden, I got to experience loneliness in a society with good food and life. A society that offered fulfillment of my dreams. However, it costs.

I met people who were not careful with their words, judging tongues with their leprosy. I met people who I thought were my friends who later, after seeing my weaknesses and mistakes, left me. A bone broken, half the heart bleeds. I had nowhere to go.

I met people with exploitative motives who wanted my fall. I met people I thought were my friends, I met people who had never believed in me.

They hurt me, they murdered me in their hearts. I cried, I screamed, I crawled in pain. The pain that no one saw physically, the pain that no one can describe, only I who know it, only I who see it.
It became my challenge after all.

In solitude, I sat in front of windows with eyes open. I look up to heaven. My thousand thoughts drew me back to where I have been. Where once, despite difficulties, I felt a sense of security. My native country. My beloved Philippines. My dearest country, my language, my people.

Alone, I thought, what am I doing here? In solitude I felt my vulnerability, I felt the feeling of death, but death did not come to me. My heart was beating like never before, and my tears were flowing freely, it was burning in my soul. I didn’t know it would feel so hard.
Very challenging. I’ve had alot to deal with. And I was by myself. Some nights during the winter I look up into the sky, awake in the middle of the night. Fascinated by the snow falling on my face, and in one second my hair was touched. The cold that tells me I am alive somehow. In the darkness of the cold winter, I speak for myself and wait for answers .. When? When will this end? And the tears ran like waterfalls. I felt, an angel touched my soul. A strength and hope from heaven.

God heard my prayers. And God comforted me. In the dark, I came to know that there is a light. And in the dark, I know the stars can shine bright for me to see. That tomorrow when I wake up, there will be a better future. And tomorrow will be another day.

After all, I also met people who loved me, liked me, hugged me, greeted me, and prayed for me. Met people who sat with me, listened to me, and held my hand without words. Some have come with a smile and gave their thoughts without condemning words. For a moment I felt that they cared without the cost.
For a little while I remembered days and nights as I whispered in the air, I know the wind brought it to heaven.

I thank you for everything you do …
I thank you for listening.
I thank you for coming by without feeling compelled.
I thank you .. For you loved me after all.
I thank you for giving me time ..
I thank you .. For sitting next to me in my solitude ..

It’s hard to feel like I do .. It’s hard to describe those feelings ..
Without words, without my body language …
You showed that you care …
Although I have not dared to say …
Deep down in my heart ..
I thank you for being there.

Om jag inte hade kommit till Sverige hade mitt liv varit annorlunda. Kanske inte lika bra som idag men jag har nog inte samma känslor som jag har just nu. Jag kanske inte ha träffat människor som sårade mig och sagt ord som rev min själ. Innan jag kom, hade jag ett gammal sår, det hade jag inte tid att sorga efter.

När jag kom till Sverige, jag fick uppleva ensamhet i ett samhälle med bra föda och livsföring. Ett samhälle som erbjöd uppfyllelse av mina drömmar. Det kostar dock.

Jag träffade människor som var inte försiktiga med sina ord, dömande tungor med sina spetälska. Jag träffade människor som jag trodde var mina vänner som senare, efter att ha setts mina svagheter och misstag, lämnade mig. Ett ben brutit, halva hjärtat blöder. Jag hade ingenstans att ta vägen.

Jag träffade människor med uttnyttjande motiv, som önskade mitt fall. jag träffade människor som jag trodde var mina vänner, jag träffade människor som hade aldrig trott på mig.

De sårade mig, de mördade mig i sina hjärtan. Jag grät, jag skrek, jag kröp i smärtan. Smärtan som ingen såg fysisk, smärtan som ingen kan beskriva, bara jag som känner det, bara jag som ser det.
Det blev min utmaning trots allt.

I ensamhet, satt jag framför fönster med ögonen öppna. Jag ser upp till himmelen. Mina tusen tankar drog mig tillbaka där jag har varit. Där jag en gång trots svårigheter kände en trygghet. Mitt hemland. Min älskade Filippinerna. Min käraste land, mitt språk, mitt folk.

I ensamhet tänkte jag, vad gör jag här. I ensamhet kände jag min sårbarhet, jag kända känslan av döden, men döden kom inte till mig. Mitt hjärta slog som aldrig förr, och mina tårar flödar fritt, det sved i själen. Jag visste inte att det skulle känna så hårt.
Mycket utmaning. Mycket att ta itu med. Och jag var själv. Vissa nätter under vintern tittar jag upp i himmelen, vaken mitt i natten. Fascinerad av snön som faller på mitt ansikte, och på nån sekund rörde mitt hår. Kylan som talar att jag lever i alla fall. I mörkret av den kalla vintern, Talar jag för mig själv och väntar på svar.. När? När ska det här ta slut? Och tårarna rann som vattenfall. Jag kände, en ängel rörde min själ. En styrka och hopp från himmelen.

Gud hörde mina bön. Och Gud tröstat mig. I mörkret lärde jag känna att det finns ett ljus. Och i mörkret, vet jag att stjärnorna kan lysa klart för mig att se. Att imorgon nör jag vaknar, det kommer bli en bättre framtid. Och imorgon kommer bli en annan dag.

Trots allt, träffade jag även människor som älskade mig, tyckte om mig, kramade mig, hälsade på mig, och bad för mig. Träffade människor som satt med mig, lyssnade på mig, och höll min hand utan ord. Vissa har kommit med ett leende och gav sina tankar utan fördömande ord. För en stund kände jag att de bryr sig utan kostnaden.
En liten stund kom jag ihåg dagar och nätter när jag viskade i luften, jag vet att vinden tog med sig det till himmelen.

Jag tackar.. För allt du gör…
Jag tackar.. För att du lyssnade..
Jag tackar.. För att du kom förbi utan att känna dig tvungen.
Jag tackar.. För du älskade mig trots allt.
Jag tackar.. För att du gav mig tid..
Jag tackar.. För du satt bredvid i min ensamhet..

Det svårt att känna som jag gör.. Det svårt att beskriva mona känslor..
Utan ord, utan min kroppsspråk…
Du visade att du bryr dig…
Även om jag inte har vågat säga…
Innerst i mitt hjärta..
Jag tackar att du finns.


Have you ever noticed how many times we release words in a day? By speech, written or by thoughts.. What if all of them becomes visible to everybody? Will we learn to withdraw from speaking unnecessary words that either would hurt or would build..

I have had circumstances whereas I spoke words to others that are uplifting, and they went on the whole day remembering what I said. Sure it was a small thing yet for me and it didn’t matter so much. I just think that I had to give a compliment because that day I saw a particular thing which was beautiful.. And for that person, it was intimately touching. Then I meet people who do the same to me. With kind words and sweet comments, I swear I would melt right where I stood. And the other person would say, ” i thought I needed to tell that to you”. But that word was unnoticed by me nor the person who spoke it. Who knows? That complimentary words would uplift one to reach a dream come true? Who knows by a simple word, it could change a person totally?

What if our thoughts were visible to everybody. And every thing we think would just pop out of the air surrounding us? I believe it would embarrass us secretly or it would humiliate us for some reason. Or maybe, some thoughts were great that it would also make us feel good and helpful.. Probably some thoughts were better ignored than spoken. Or else we mught end up in trouble with them.

We must be careful of our words as the word says: life and death is on our tongues.

If Truth is to Be Told!

If Truth is to Be Told!

If TRUTH is all that people seek, then it should be spoken. But oh no! People seek the truth but when they hear the One that had been sent, their hearts are stubborn. Denied Him and they went back on their own paths. For they were friends with worldly wicked ways

If TRUTH is all that needed, then it should be said, but oh no! Many tend to be teachers of the law but are filled with indignation and corrupt. How then are you to follow the LAW OF GOD when the law of men you have put aside for your own pleasure! The law of men was set aside by some because their mind is futile, therefore the Law of God is misunderstood. The law was supposed to correct an unlawful mankind. The law is to reveal the crime committed. If truth is to be told.

If TRUTH is all that people seek, then it should be spoken well and done. But oh no, people still go back to feed their needs of lies which will not work for eternity.
You who practice sin, you who are stubborn, you who are commit unlawful relationship, you who are liars, you who gossip, you who are drunkard, you who walks in the ways of a lustful woman, you who steal, you who kill in your minds, you who dishonour your father and mother, you who are disrespectful to mankind and you who love money, you who are greed. You who practice sexual impurity and sexual desires in your body and mind and in your heart perverse your soul.
The gates of fire and brimstone awaits those who are against the moral law of God.
You can be set free if TRUTH is all you need.