I have drawn most of my life since childhood. I have tried different ways to develop myself within this area. And art has been my way of expression to manage my PTSD.
This week was more challenging than all of the paintings that I ever did. This one felt like death and life for my career as an art tutor.. (lol im kind of exaggerating but thats the feeling)
Recently, I was challenged to draw Walid Feghali. I have been following him for two years now and I never missed his videos and emails ever since. lol… and I have developed alot from his concepts and it had grafted into most of my painting ideas. As I drew his portrait with my pencil, the fear arose in me and I felt so scared regarding the comments I would receive from him. Since it is his portrait, I became anxious and I left the sketched portrait about a week. Watching at it everyday, I almost wanted to throw it because the fear is crucial. And since the plan was just to sketch, I ended up with the idea to paint him in acrylics. And not just that. I even came up with the new ideas that I will try a new technique in using my brush strokes as I paint his portrait…And add the background..which I never ever ever did in my entire painting skills. The subject was always drawn or painted but never involved myself into the background. So help me God!
For those of you who do not know Walid Feghali, he is an award winning composer, conceptual and illustrator artist. He had been very popular within the filming industry and had contributed orchestral film scores for Warcraft, Call of Duty and Starcraft 2… etc…
You may understand why I felt so anxious and scared. Very scared that I almost wanted to throw away the paper where I drawn him.
Despite the fact that I have an autodidact learning and a childhood background of drawing… I am still open to learn more and probably studying until I get old. For the past 10 years I went through art courses to study about values fine arts and photography and also to add more knowledge about my photography skills. But this one that I did today scares me. I swear….
After a week or so… I got tired looking at the portrait and I decided to face my fear and I was reminded of the emails I receive from his chain emails (Evenant). He wrote: “never compare yourself to others and try to improve yourself until you find your techniques and composition”
I was kind of relieved for a moment and just grabbed my brush and painted without even thinking of my fear or worries…
As my brush went through the compositions and layouts of the lines and colours, I noticed that I became more engaged in what I am doing. I am more focused and as much as possible I tried to be much more observant and moooorreee meticulous about the small detail I see. Since I wanted to try the new brush strokes, I was actually surprised that I can do much better than what I expected. And I am so happy to overcome the fear for now. But I am still having some feeling of worries what his comment will be about his portrait… uugghh… Anyways.. after this.. I will send him the portrait and I hope I wont fade away in my own mind…coz I am his fan…not the number one but AVID FAN!!!!!
The painting finished after 5 hours. Thank God. Then, it was time to watch it and